Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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