I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
