My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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