The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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