Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
