Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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