the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
