found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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