This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
