i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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