Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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