Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
