Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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