By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
