Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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