is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
