I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Operation Purity has been aborted
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
