I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
