I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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