I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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