You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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