honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
