hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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