I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
