even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
