he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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