your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
only you would photoshop your dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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