i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.