I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
