alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
