Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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