Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
as a side note pls kill me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
