who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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