just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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