I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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