Yo dont text me then not text me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
