I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
