Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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