nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
