Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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