you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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