Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
