Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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