how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
