it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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