dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't deserve a penis
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
