even my farts smell like vagina
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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