He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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