Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
