I CAN MOONWALK!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
