These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
