When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
