Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
