lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
