Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
false alarm. still invincible.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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