everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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