in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
