Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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