then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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