we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
