She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
